Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
