Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
