No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
When are your genitals available?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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