the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
