vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
