After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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