Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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