Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
