Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will pee on everything he values.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize