I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
