I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Everyone says I win the strip club
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
