it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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