Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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