I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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