things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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