Can Purell be used as lube?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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