I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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