Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
