I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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