I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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