he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
