I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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