I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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