How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
