if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
