just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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