So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Alive.
So much puke
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
