It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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