Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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