I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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