Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
