i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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