He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
