its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize