Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
