so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
