My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize