lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
