so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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