I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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