It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
