A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just want to make out with him forever
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
