I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
