rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
