my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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