Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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