She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
