Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
