she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
