love makes seman taste better
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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