Already got asked if we're dating
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
