you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
