i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
