This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
