YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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