Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
