hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
