Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
