So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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