Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize