She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
