WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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