I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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