Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
