We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
