I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
