so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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