His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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