its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
