I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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