Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
