I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
