i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
