Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
