so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
