There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
