who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
